TIME for a deep dive into the home life of Kylie Jenner’s one-month-old son, Wolf, and Closer magazine has all the deets, thanks to ‘a source’. Finally, a talking Teddy bear.
The magazine says Wolf, little brother of Stormi, is a “million-dollar baby” - not in the style of Hilary Swank but the style to which he will become accustomed.
Closer’s chatty source suggests Kylie and partner Travis Scott held “nanny auditions” to pick their son’s four-person childcare team which is an over inflated way of saying they had the standard conversations any parent would have with the stranger in whose care they are considering leaving their child.
With the ‘auditions’ finished and contestants either told ‘It’s a no from me I’m afraid’ or ‘You’re through to the next round’, Kylie turned her attention to finding “a team to curate his wardrobe” as she “wants her son to be the most stylish baby in Hollywood”. Top tip for any parent updating their CV: Don’t forget to list ‘curating baby grows’ under Experience. And Wolf’s stylist commands a £100,000 salary and has an unlimited budget so definitely mention that in the job interview.
Now that the little tyke is fed, watered and designer diapered, what about play time and downtime?
The talking Teddy says Wolf will have his own “round-the-clock bodyguard, driver, masseuse, stylist and two specially-trained baby nurses”.
And his nursery has a £17,000 custom mural which is a great idea because when you get tired looking at it you can just paint over it.
The Teddy source continued: “Kylie loved taking Stormi to a nearby baby spa when she was younger, and with her wanting to increase her privacy, she decided to just have one built in her home.
“It’s equipped with three beautiful pools heated to the ideal temperature for newborns, and various flotation devices, as well as a massage station, a mini Reiki studio for daily sessions and a feeding room decked out with surround sound, a £12,000 custom Herman Miller nursing chair and a state-of-the-art air filtration system.”
The chatty Teddy bear has been everywhere in the Jenner mansion and reports back that the playroom “is also no-expenses spared” and houses a library where the shelves are stacked with more than 600 children’s books “plus a 34-foot-wide cinema screen and popcorn machines”. So the playroom is in an aircraft hangar?
Sleb Safari isn’t cross, it doesn’t want to climb on to its high horse and blast this as a more-money-than-sense scenario. It simply wants to know if Kylie would think about doing Airbnb when she and the family are out of town because Sleb Safari really, really likes the sound of Wolf's crib.
Mandy Patinkin solving mysteries on a cruise ship
It’s finally happened, someone has come up with the concept for the perfect TV show - Mandy Patinkin solving murders on a cruise ship.
Career Opportunities in Murder and Mayhem will star Mandy Patinkin as “the world’s once greatest detective, Rufus Cotesworth”.
If you’ve watched Mandy in The Good Fight you’ll know he gives great quirk so Rufus Cotesworth will best Knives Out’s Benoit Blanc.
Sleb Safari is very much ready and waiting for Career Opportunities in Murder and Mayhem.
Graham Norton's novel Holding to be televised
COME 9pm tonight you’ll find Sleb Safari on the sofa, cup of tea in hand, novelty slippers on feet, ready to watch Holding on ITV.
It’s a four-part drama based on Graham Norton’s debut novel which was a good read, even if it did end a little abruptly.
It stars Conleth Hill, who’s just brilliant in everything, plus Siobhan McSweeney, ditto, and was directed by Kathy Burke so expectations are high.
One Direction could go in all directions
SLEB Safari’s favourite story of late is that of the demand for parts of the One Direction wax figures from Madame Tussauds in London.
Seven years after the band went their separate way the waxworks are to go their separate ways - which means they’ll be melted down and turned into TikTok influencers.
Reincarnation, the wax way.
According to the Daily Mirror one person offered to fly the waxworks to Australia by private jet rather than see them destroyed.
Tim Watters of Madame Tussauds said the volume of requests “offering to take ownership of all, or part of, our One Direction figures shows the impact they’ve made on their fans”.
The five lads are missing a trick here. They should each purchase their own wax figure and use it as a burglar deterrent. Haven’t they seen Home Alone?
