There’s nothing that can prepare you for the death of a loved one.
It doesn’t matter how often you’ve experienced loss or how long you have to come to terms with it.
The finality of losing someone you care about is a devastating part of life.
We’ve all experienced the difficult days when someone you know and love is coming to the end of their life.
It’s hard to process all the emotions you go through - the sadness of knowing that it’s coming to an end, that a friend or family member won’t be around to talk to, to celebrate with, to go to for advice and support.
It is also, particularly in the tradition of our island, a time to remember all the great moments you’ve had together.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve laughed until I was crying surrounded by the family and friends of someone who knows their time is short but wants to spend it reliving the best moments of their life - all the adventures, the great stories and the good times.
For many, the time they have left is used as a celebration of life, friendship and family.
We all know, however, that it isn’t always like that.
Most of us will be fortunate enough to live a full life and have a peaceful passing.
Others, unfortunately, through circumstance and illness live in fear of a bad death.
It is an uncomfortable reality that terminal conditions can leave people to spend their final months in pain, confusion or unable to interact with their loved ones at all.
There is very little respite or room for fond reflection for people experiencing a death that causes hurt and trauma for them and their family.
In spite of the immeasurable efforts of palliative care staff, who do their best in the worst of circumstances and with far too little resource, and the diligent care of friends and family, there are, sometimes, no ways to mitigate or ameliorate a difficult passing.
This week, parliament will vote on a change to the law to allow for assisted dying in a very narrow range of circumstances.
The legislation explicitly excludes mental illness or disability as a ground for ending your life and it cannot be expanded by a court to cover those circumstances.
The draft law sets a high bar for applicants with a terminal illness, in the final six months of their life, to reach before being deemed eligible.
This includes professional assessments from two doctors, independently of one another and seven days apart, an application before the High Court to ensure that a condition is terminal and that there has been no coercion, a reflection period of 14 days after the High Court determination, a second declaration by the individual that they wish to proceed and a further medical assessment by a doctor before any action could be taken.
Very few of us could place ourselves in the shoes of someone faced with such an enormous decision. I have listened to people who have been there with family members for that difficult time, some of whom support this legislation and others who don’t.
I have spoken to people with life limiting conditions for whom this is a reality, some of them support this legislation and others don’t.
No one I have met, or spoken to, wants to hasten anyone’s passing.
There is no one cheerleading for this change in the law. But there are people who want to preserve what they perceive as dignity in their death, who want to avoid the physical and emotional pain their condition will cause and who are afraid of losing who they are to a difficult passing.
I understand, respect and appreciate the concerns that some have with this proposed change in the law. I share some of them and will work proactively to see them addressed during the stages of this bill.
But for me this is fundamentally about the conscience of choice.
Every life and every death is different. It is not for me to judge the decisions that others make at the end of their journey.
In a world where we could provide the resources to fix all the ails that people face, I wouldn’t want anyone to choose to hasten their death. But we don’t live in that world, so I cannot say to someone faced with months of fear, pain or deteriorating cognition that they have to bear that burden to assuage my conscience.
The second reading of the Terminally Ill Adults (End of Life) Bill will take place on Friday based on the legislation’s principles and I will vote for it.
There will be many more stages stretching into next year and opportunities to amend and improve the bill. I will be very open to supporting amendments because I know how important this is to many people who find themselves conflicted on this subject.
I know that some will not agree with me, perhaps vocally. I am listening to their concerns. But I hope that this legislation will give people in the worst circumstances the freedom to choose what is right for them and, ultimately, allow them to face their passing with peace.